Kept me intrigued
Despite the longer than usual length, I found myself watching this flash the whole way through. I can appreciate the creativity that went into this submission. Anyway, I suppose the real reason I bothered to write this review was simply to see what kind of zany response I would get. Don't dissapoint me.
Making cake is not easy. Martha Stewart has deluded you into thinking it is but it IS NOT.
It is a horrific violent task that should only be undertook (taken?) by a proffesional such as myself.
But do not worry, weary traveler! For this guide of mine will be just the ticket to create your own culinary delights!
Now as with making anything these days (food, babies, thermonuclear combustion engines etc.), you will need the ingrediants.
And not just any ingrediants. Fancy ones. Grown naturally off the eastern coast of Naples by a wee chubby farmer in a tiny house made of bamboo.
The ingrediants you will need to make a cake are as follows:
1 Oven (in case you fail)
1 Sack of crudely drawn flour
2 eggs, for groin jokes later
And a fresh squeezed cow!
Now, the first thing you are going to want to do is put some gas in your oven. Liquid gas, please. Food always tastes better when it has been baked over the fumes of an industrial chemical!
Aboout 6 gallons should do it!
Now, get a mixing bowl and dump in your ingrediants. Most people (neanderthals by comparison to myself) will take a spoon or a blender and stir these ingrediants up. TISH, I say! A Spoon is a weapon, and a blender is a death machine waiting to strike!
The best way to blend your food is by taking a cat, and putting it into a plastic bag. Toss it into your bowl and clamp a lid down onto the bowl. At this point play "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex.
After about 4 seconds, all the ingrediants will be mixed thoroughly due to the insane strugglings of the cat.
Release the cat (via toilet) and we will begin the next step.
Pour your batter into a sack of sugar. Sugar is good. You love the sugar. And it loves you back. Forever, and ever and ever.
Now pour the batter back into the mixing bowl.
Turn the mixing bowl upside down onto a baking pan.
This way your caek will remain in a dome-like shape.
Place the baking pan in your gasolin-filled oven. Use an ordinary match to set the fuel aflame.
At this point, you should be on fire:
After you have burned horribly, take your cake out of the oven.
Chances are by now it will be baked! OR, it will be a blackened mass of goo that smells of gasoline.
If its the latter, you have clearly failed making a cake and should set yourself on fire again. However....if you got the former, then congrats! You have made a caek! And it only took mind-searing 3rd degree burns! YAAAAY!
And now that you have made this cake, be sure to send all of your money to ZekeyCorp industries! Or your cake. We dont care what we receive. Although a slice of cake in our mailboxes would be nice from time to time. I mean its only fair. We taught you how to make the thing. The cake wouldn't exsist if it wasnt for us. YOU HEAR ME? WE MADE THAT CAKE! AND WE WILL UNMAKE IT, IF YOU DONT COMPLY! COMPLY!
Honestly, send us a peice.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this handy guide from ZekeyCorp.
Brought to you by the fine folks at Dippy Diapers.
"If you're baby's drippy, just say dippy!"
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